love isn`t about the romantic nights or gifts. it isn`t about fireworks going off around you when you have that first, real kiss. love isn`t about kissing in the rain and dancing beneath the stars. it isn`t about the big moments or the big surprises. love is not a fairytale. love is about still having the butterflies after years. it`s about the second looks and laying in bed wide awake, all night, because you can`t go to sleep mad at each other. it`s about being willing to sacrifice, literally, everything for someone, just because you care so deeply for them. it`s not about buying them gifts, but it`s about leaving them little presents here and there, just to remind them that you are constantly thinking about them. love is all of the little things, that add up to really big things. love is rare and special, but should not be treated as if it will break. love needs to be thrown around and beat up a little bit, worn in, but not worn down. love needs to be a comfortable feeling, a place to go when no one else in the world can relate. a safe place, where you know that no matter how ugly you look of how angry you are, you will still be loved.
Perhaps I'm a hypocrite when I say this, since I have done it before. I'll admit it and I'll also admit how I'm not proud of it, and I would do anything to take it back. but I can't. But I can also say that I was young when it happened, and I didn't really understand what it could do to someone.
But when I see people in college. After college. In freaking married relationships. It's incomprehensible to me.
I was listening to WAPE the other day. - They were talking about "lists" - people you want to have sex with. Sure, that's all fine and dandy. But this one girl calls. Starts talking about how she wants to sleep with a fire fighter… and a guy with long hair. Nothing wrong with that.
Well there wouldn't be. If she wasn't engaged.
She's already cheated on him. She plans on doing it again.
And the thing that gets to me is… she doesn't even feel guilty about it.
Her fiancee… proposed to her thinking that he was the only guy in her life. Thinking he was the only guy she would be with.
And she's lying to him, day after day, after having cheated on him, and she plans on doing it again.
It's not even about having a moral compass.
How can someone be willing to put someone through weeks and months of pain just to satisfy themselves?
How can you just overlook the fact that you're taking someone's trust and throwing it around?
How can you ignore that this person deserves so much more than you're giving them and you're holding them back from what they do deserve?
The thing is. It's not even a rare occurrence. Sure most people don't go and publicize it on radio, but it happens every single freaking day.
I don't think I exaggerate when I say 80% of guys would cheat if given the opportunity. Maybe they don't pursue it actively, but they don't refuse it when given a chance.
How the hell can someone be so selfish as to put their significant other, whom they are supposedly "in love" with through WEEKS… MONTHS… maybe even YEARS of pain and misery in order to satisfy your freaking sexual appetite?
Cheating on someone isn't a joke. Cheating WITH someone isn't a joke. How can people treat it like it's no big deal?
Going after a guy with a girlfriend isn't getting what YOU want. Sure, you may want him. But it's ruining a relationship. It's causing someone else nights of pain. It's disregarding someone else's life completely and willing to ruin it just so you can have what you want.
And if you want to be with other people, so be it. Don't deceive someone else into thinking they're the only one. Go have a open relationship.
And in my opinion… even WANTING to cheat on someone might as well be cheating on them. I, for one, would NEVER EVER want to be in a relationship with a guy that had even the slightest bit of attraction to another girl.
I deserve better than that. EVERYONE deserves better than that.
So next time you think about going after a woman when you have a wife. Or going after a man in a relationship. Think about the lives you're messing with. The pain you're causing someone. The misery that will come out of it. The lives that are ruined. The self-confidence that is shattered.
And if you don't care…. then I hope that one day you will learn to.
MY life MY choice MY business and I can do whatever I want.
After all, I'm the only one affected by it in the end, right?
It's hard for us to think a little deeper. Harder to think that, in fact, we're not the only ones affected by the actions we take and the decisions that we make... and to act like we are means neglecting the ones that care about us (because frankly... the people that don't care don't give a damn what you do) to pursue our own desires. (I won't spell out the word that the sentence implies)
A lot of us don't notice how our parents get worried sick when we walk through the door at 3 am, thinking that they're just overreacting once again. We don't see the reasons they worry, but just the fact that it gets in the way of what we want to do.
We don't notice when our smoking or drinking habits are getting out of control, and turn a blind eye to our friends concern, saying that we're just having fun. We fail to comprehend the worry in their eyes when they see us damaging ourselves, deeming that it's simply unnecessary.
We don't notice the agony in our best friend's eyes when we start to become a shadow of the person we once were. We blame it on their judgement or unnecessary worry, but we don't see the fact that our friends hold us to a higher standard because they know we're capable of so much more than the person we're becoming... that we're worth more than we give ourselves credit for.
True, we can live our lives the way it pleases us. We can live it carrying on as if what we do is simply our business and no one else's. We can do what makes us happy.
But relationships never have the basis of I, Me, and My. Neither does love.
So maybe it's time to realize that our actions do affect others. Maybe its time to care that they do.
The distinction between being nice and being kind isn’t one that’s often made… usually because it’s overlooked. But there is a huge difference… and while it doesn’t always reflect in people’s actions, it’s reflected by their thoughts and intentions.
Niceness is liking people. Kindness is loving people.
Niceness comes from the brain. Kindness comes from the heart.
Being nice comes out of wanting to be liked and agreeable. Being kind is not caring what other people think of your actions, but doing them because you feel it’s right.
A nice person does nice things when everyone is watching. But kindness is doing something nice for someone who will never find out.
Niceness is on the outside. Kindness is on the inside.
Nice is staying up all night listening to your best friend and offering her a shoulder to cry on. Being kind is doing the same thing for a stranger you’ve met 5 minutes ago, or your boyfriend’s ex girlfriend that always talks crap about you.
Being nice is feeding the homeless because it’s the right thing to do. Being kind is feeling the homeless because you feel compassion for the fact that they’re starving.
We are taught to be nice… we learn to be nice. It can be taught from our parents, religious books, etc, but kindness is never taught or learned. It’s an instinct. You’re either kind, or you aren’t. you can’t make yourself be kind. It comes from a desire to be genuine, helpful and selfless.
Nice people complain about not getting anything in return for their niceness. Kind people don’t because they don’t do things for the sake of reward or recognition. [Nice guys finish last. Kind guys don’t… because they’re not racing in the first place =)]
A person that is nice isn’t necessarily kind. The friendliness is more of politeness, etiquette and good manners.
Kindness is being selfless. It’s being affected by other’s pain. It’s caring enough to put yourself aside to make others happy. It’s being understanding and sympathetic. It’s putting aside your pet peeves and little things that bother you in order to be there for someone. It’s not caring about what a person has done to you in the past, but caring enough to want them to be happy regardless.
A kind person might not be out rightly nice. They might not be the person you look at and say “wow, they’re really friendly”… but at the end of the day, they’re the people that are most likely to be there for you, regardless of how much they know you. You can tell someone is nice the first time you meet them, but you might not be able to do so with kindness.
Anyone can be nice, but it takes certain people to be kind.
[Just had to blog about this because I see people using both words interchangeably and thinking as long as you’re nice, you’re kind too. but that’s not always the case].
“You have your way, and I have mine. As for the correct way… the right way… to me, it doesn’t exist.”
Isn’t it funny how someone’s actions, someone’s hobbies, can cause other people to alter their opinions about them?
I know girls that say they would never date a guy that smokes. I say otherwise.
I know girls that say they would never date a guy that drinks all the time. I say otherwise.
[There’s more to those two points… but that’s not the purpose of this entry]
There’s one thing that’s far more important than the actions people take… and that’s what’s in their heart.
I look at people judging people that get drunk every weekend… or have sex before marriage. And I understand many people look at it as “sinful actions”. But since when do they define who a person is? Since when do they make people be less of a person… have less of a heart?
The kindest person in the world could be a smoker. There could be a completely moral person that might not even consider the feelings of others on a daily basis.
Doing good things doesn’t make you a good person.
Doing bad things doesn’t prevent someone from having a kind heart.
[Side note: I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. That’s my choice. The only reason I would influence people not to is because I’m worried about their health. Not because I believe those actions make them any less of the amazing person they already are.]
hey thanks for visiting my xanga! I was wondering if you could come back and comment me on my latest entry! You're thoughts are always taken into consideration, no matter what they are about! Merry Christmas! Jay